Friday, 11 May 2012

Dearest Isabel,

I am not exactly sure of the time, I’m on a flight travelling home from a week’s visit to my regional office in Dar es Salaam. The time difference between Dar & SA is an hour. My watch is saying 17H10 while my computer says 16H10, somewhere in between is the real time.
I’ve been watching the inflight movie & this has got me writing to you. It was a religious movie. One of the main actors is a 16 yr old girl, she has to deal with her old fashioned mother, a boy and her feelings. I got to thinking, someday, you will hopefully also turn 16, that is a scary thought in itself. I can’t promise you I’ll understand everything you going through, I can promise you the following though. A long time ago I made a promise to someone else and, I want to make the same promise to you. I promise to sit down and listen to you, I promise to try and not judge you but, instead, I’d like to give you as much information as I can, it’s then up to you to make the most informative decision you’re able to make. Someday, some boy is going to hurt you, emotionally that is, who knows, maybe someone is going to hurt you physically too, I do not know what the future holds for you. I do not know where your path will take you. I want you to know though and that is why I have taken out my computer and started writing. I want you to know, you can talk to me, I will try to listen. I am not going to break the guys legs if he hurts you emotionally, I’m not going to kill him dead, unless of course he hurts you physically or, you tell me to kill him dead then, as ‘Lil Wayne says, “ …. Off with his head ….” I would prefer we sit and talk though, I will eat ice cream with you, we can finish the entire tub if you want. I will sit and finish a packet of potato chips with you. I will even try to cry with you :-) The big, big world is at times a scary place with dangers at every corner, I do not know if other dads are as I am but, I am very protective of you and your mom. At 15 months we’ve tried not to be over protective, you’ve had a few falls already, you’ve rolled off the bed twice, you’ve walked into doors but, we’re trying to be the type of parents that gives you the space to explore. We’ve tried to encourage you, I don’t know if this is a bad thing but, I don’t know another way for your mom & I to raise you. I know the older you get the more you going to push the boundaries, I know you going to use some of these letters from me to you and try to use them against me. I know that if you are half the charm I am, you going to play with the boys like they toys and that scares me. It scares me because I expect at some point in time you may burn your fingers, you may do something reckless, because it’s the game. The older you get, the more I think I may become more protective. I did not realize raising a child could be this draining on my nerves, this draining on my emotions and then I still need to be on the lookout as you may be manipulating me. I also never thought raising a young girl could be this taxing. How does one protect something this precious without suffocating it? When am I loving you too much? Is there a thing as loving your child to much? You will see a side of me you never knew, you will see a side of me that will let you know just how much we love you. I’ve said it to you before and, I’ll say it again, I missed you before you were even born. I dreamt of the perfect partner, I just hadn’t realized that GOD was busy orchestrating for your mom to meet me, for your mom to see me, to notice me. No, I’m not lucky, I’m blessed to have her in my life. To complete the story, you had to be born but as the song goes, “…. Before the world began, you were on his mind and everything you did, was written in HIS plan …. Everything was done so you would come.” This is your life, you only have one opportunity at it, one chance, I hope and pray that you make it count. I pray that you’ll be safe and that you’ll grow to have children of your own. The word “children,” has got me thinking, what am I going to do if we have another child? How do I show your sibling that you are special and so is your he / she. Do I start writing for him or her too? Too much thinking, I’m going to approach that one when the time comes, in the meantime, I think it’s you and me grocery shopping alone again tomorrow :-) I think it’s the two of us alone again hanging in the afternoon and, I think it’s us two on Sunday in the park again. I also need to schedule a visit to the bird world, I think you going to be so cute when you see the birds  Maybe we can convince your friend Gabriela to join us. The pilot has announced, the time is 16H45, we going to be landing soon, I need to bring this to an end, alas :-( I look forward to seeing you and your mom, I LOVE you both, Ancel_D

Isabel Catherine Hull

Dearest Isabel Catherine

Hi my darling daughter, I hope you well. Things have really been developing in our lives. Firstly, I am yet again in an hotel. Belle is currently busy with office renovations and so you and I have been spending some bonding time together. A few weekends ago we went grocery shopping, the shop had problems with it’s electricity. When the lights went off, you could hear an, “awwweeeeeee” from everyone in the store. Everyone except for the AWESOME 2 that is. Every time the lights went off you smiled, clapped your hands and made some happy baby sounds. I encouraged you by smiling and clapping my hands along, we were the only 2 that appeared happy :-). I know you and I will get on well the older you get, it appears at present that we both seem to have the same loose bolts in our heads. Once I finally finished the grocery shopping, we stood in the end of the month que, we tried talking to a little girl in the trolley in front of us. The more she ignored you and looked to her mom for approval that she could look and talk to you, the louder you started baby talking to this little girl. People around started looking at you, you gave them your smile and then they smiled back and stopped looking at you as if to say, “keep quiet” because, your smile does that to people. Now and then, while you were making your voice louder for this little girl, I would take my hand and softly start hitting your mouth. You play along and stop talking to the little girl and instead making a loud humming sound. A few moments later I change to simply running my fingers down your lips, pulling your lips in other words and again you play along :-) You are such an adorable child and I love that we are bonding and in turn with one another. The only time I don’t dig it that much is when you touch your nappy and smile at me or continue touching your nappy and make sounds. I know you only a few words away from talking and, I know what you wanting to tell me, “Yo, the man that made me, time to change this dirty nappy.” I put the groceries away and contemplate changing you in the back of the car, your mom changes you in the back of the car. I have heard some people say the baby change rooms at the malls are not the cleanest places, what to do? I decide to grab your nappy nag and head for the baby chage rooms, I am not the expert Belle is, it’s a little more challenging for me to change you in the back of the car. You are, thank goodness, very co-operative today, and when I change your nappy, I can see you say, “SURPRISE!!!!!!!” On the way back to the car I am still thinking about your nappy. I only fed you yoghart and milk, how did you make such a messy, stinky nappy? How do babies do it? what goes on in babies tummy that they achieve this? I can’t lie, I’m also filled with thoughts of DAMN!!!!!!! where’s the mommy, she needs to do this and, DAMN!!!!!! A few minutes later, as we driving in the car, you trying to copy my words and repeat what I say so, we are, sort of, conversating. I know that I am glad I got to change your dirty nappy. I am glad we can conversate, I am glad that we could shop together. I know you know that I love you and, i know you know that love your mom. Sometimes, I’m not that thrilled to be doing something like changing your nappy but, I am always glad to spend time with you. I do miss your mom, sometimes I even blame her work, family moments should be cherished yet, I am away from you both, in an hotel room and, your mom is with you, looking after you. I’m not upset with my work at all, not for a second, how can I then be upset with your mom’s work? We sacrifice everyday and as a teenager you will probably want to be spending time away from us, just remember, remind us if we have forgotten, WE LOVE spending time with you. It’s important for family to spend time together.

I love you Bel, I know you probably in your camping cot right now, possibly sleeping, sleep well, sweet dreams. Ancel_D

Dearest Isabel Catherine

It’s been over a month since I last sat down and expressed some thoughts on how you growing. I took the break because I did not start this blog in the month that you were born but, I have also been very busy at work, taking leave and competing and finishing my 12th Pick ‘n Pay Argus cycle tour. You have been just as busy, you now 13 months old. You walking more and more, not 100% yet and, you not running just yet.

You muttered the words, “happy birthday,” once thus far and all our attempts to get you to repeat have been fruitless :-) Your understanding of the english language is a different thing though. Your mom and I have been testing you by sending you from one parent to the other and asking you to get things or to bring us things. You also starting to mimic so, I can show you to hold up your right hand and after a few mimics, we are giving each other a High Five. You have your dad’s presence when it comes to entering a room, it takes a few minutes and everyone in the room knows Isabel is here. You not afraid to walk around the room, look at the people and smile, you then move to the next person in the room and so you go. You also one of few in the cry room at church that walks around in the cry room. We let you wonder and explore, you need to grow confidence and find out what is happening in this world and around you so, we let you go. We have to still keep an eye on you since, this weekend, you watched how one child climbed from the floor, onto the pew and then onto the bench where he was able to walk from one side to the other. You watched him do this twice before smiling at his mom and attempting it yourself. It then took me a while to get you back to our side of the cry room since you kept wanting to climb back onto that bench. You still love your books, you know exactly where they are and more times that most, you make your way to your books, bring them to Mom, Emily or myself and want us to read to you. You seem to like the sounds we make when reading, you look at the pictures, make some baby talk and then point to something on the page. If we ask you about the items, you point to the right items most of the time, I put this all down to your learning. You have a book called Moo Cow Kung Fu Cow, Cheeky Frog and one or two other books that you seem to be very fond of. You still enjoy classical music and your favourite progams are Telly Tubbies and Baby Jake. You seem to dance whenever these children’s programs come onto tv. You’ve got one or two dolls that you starting to try and feed and carry around the house from time to time. You seem to be more a child interested in wanting to be outside the house and walk or, you want to discover things outside else, you keen on your books. I am going to try and start blogging more regularly again.

I love you Bel, you sleeping in your bed right now while Belle is sleeping in our bed. I think I should take you two up on your ideas and go to bed too. Ancel_D

My darling Isabel,

It has been some time since I have last written to you. In truth, I have been caught up in my work. Tomorrow is the begining of my final week away from home. The time has flown by so quickly, I am reminded of this every time I look at you. You celebrated your first birthday this past Tuesday, woooooow, you a year old already. You walking more steady on your feet, you making these funny double sounds at the moment. Your mom describes it as you’re making a yodeling sound. You point your finger at things you want or, things you want us to see and generally you still a content little being that makes friends easy and smiles a lot. You’ve also been making friends in the cry room at church

The second reason I’ve been so quiet with your blogs, is that I am waiting to be back at home on a more permanent basis. I have a few clips of your walking, i would like to load these as clips onto your blog. So now I have a 3 minute video of you and a 3 x 1 minute clips I need to edit and then save those to a DVD for you too. I’m going to add one or two more and then I’ll save them all onto one DVD for you to watch later. I could always keep these and use them at your 21st one day.

Something for you for history. Whitney Houston Brown, the singer, she was reported dead earlier this morning. She apparently leaves behind an 18 year old daughter.

In your development, the thing I am currently trying to solve is, when should we be sending you to nursery school or day care. Whenever you see other children, all you want to do is play and interact with them. I have heard and been told that babies learn quicker when they with other babies. I’ve also found out that if babies are around older babies, the older ones dominate them and then they struggle later on. My thinking is, “or they learn to defend for themselves from a young age already.” As you can see, I am going to take some time with this one as, i can’t seem to decide what we think is the best decision. The last point is, not all babies are the same, not even 2 babies are the same so, it could prove a great thing for your development or, it could prove the wrong thing either way, we not going to rush into the decision. Next month, you’ll play with your cousin Liam and one or two other babies, we’ll see how you go and take it from there.

Love you Bel. Ancel_D

Sunday 22 January 2012: 19H16

Dearest Isabel

If things go the way I have planned, you should be somewhere in the year 2027 or 2028. I wonder what the world is like then? I wonder what we have become? I trust our family is still well and living life strong.

Update:
You are an AMA zing young lady. Last week when I left you, you were taking 5 steps consistently and now and then you managed 7. This weekend, 5 days later, you walking from the kitchen to the lounge. You still not 100% steady on your feet but, you are walking. I am reminded of just how quickly children learn, I am reminded of the resilience of babies. You fall on your bum, smile and then you happy again, trying again. I am not sure at what age babies start walking but, at this rate, I want to say, please slow down. Please enjoy childhood a little longer, please don’t be in such a rush to want to grow. I also wonder, “is this as a result of the classical music we played you?” I then think, it’s not important, no two babies are the same. If it took you 9 months or 2 years to start walking, as long as you walking right? Referring back to the last blog, maybe you will be walking 100% by the end of next month. You’ve also got two more teeth pushing through your top gums. You grind your teeth together, I am assuming this is to ease the itchy feeling. Sleepy time in my view is going well, you went to sleep rather easily on Friday and Saturday night and, you only woke me early in the morning with trying to find your comfort spot. For you, finding your comfort spot is turning 90 degrees in between your mom and I and then you try to lie down and settle. This process is usually repeated for a number of minutes before you finally settle down either as close to your mom as possible or, almost on top of your mom. I think you prefer your mom for sleeping as you do not venture close to me thus, from my view point, sleepy time is fine for you.

This weekend I caught your mom singing to you, BBC Kids channel was on and, some children’s program was playing. The programs presenters are in my opinion very children orientated, they a little crazy. The funniest thing though is, your mom was singing the silly song with the presenters to you. When she saw I had seen her, Belle herself started laughing. This is a woman who thinks these programs are silly and would not be caught dead watching them. I know it is a cliché but, I wanted to also share real instances where you’ve changed our lives. Belle reads to you, she changes her voice when doing it. She sings to you, she walks you most evenings and this is all ways you’ve currently changed our lives. Don’t read this wrong though Bel, we are very happy you here and, we happy for the changes you have brought about in our lives. I think the only thing your mom is not too happy about at the moment is, the noise. You scream, I scream, then you smile at me and scream again, I smile back and we go on. It’s AWESOME! Your mom is more of a quiet, sometimes conservative person so, it’s a little hard for her when we do our scream / smile thing in the mall. I must say though, she doesn’t try walking away from us anymore or, giving me “the look,” she just allows Isabel and Ancel to have a conversation in the shops :-)

Last note, I can see me in you when you enter a room. Most people tell me, I was like that as a child. When you enter a room, it takes a few minutes for you to announce, “ISABEL is up in here!!!” It’s the way you smile at people, it’s the soft nature you have when you walk up to people and try to make friends. It is just you being you.

I hope you well Bel, I’ll speak to you again soonest. Your loving Dad, Ancel_D

Dearest Isabel

You sleeping nice and cosy in your bed at the moment. I’m in my room in a B&B about 600km’s away. No sad times at the moment, good times, happiest thoughts. Let’s begin:

Update
You 11 months old currently, you spending more and more time on your legs. You becoming rather strong. You’re able to take 7 steps at the moment before you fall onto your bum. Depending on your mood, you either smile and try again or, and this is happening more times than most at the moment, you just give us the look and crawl or put your hands up rather, signalling that we need to pick you up.

About 2 weeks ago, when I left the sunday, you were still asleep. Belle told me that when you woke you, you spent a few minutes doing your normal thing and then, you started crawling around the house saying papa, papa, papa. I think it is sweet, I do miss you but, my journey is coming to an end soon and, you still very young so, it takes you about 5 minutes and then you happy again. Your mom and I went to the doctor for our annual check up. I used the time to do what dads do :-), I put you next to the measuring thing, you about 70cm high. You and I then tried our hand on the scale, I will not reveal my weight but, you just shy of 10kg’s at the moment. I think you doing rather well considering how much you eating at this young age. I am also convinced that you are only a few weeks away from walking confidently, okay that was a proud dad talking, you probably need a few more months. You’ve also started developing more teeth, your top teeth are developing. This obviously means you not sleeping as well, your gums are itching more and more. Last night I spent the evening working on something special for your 50th blog, unfortunately, I am unable to load to onto at this time. It is about 80 megs big and thus I am unable to load it onto the site. The only option I have at the moment is to burn it onto CD and keep it with our wedding cd’s. I have thought of loading it onto YouTube but, talking to Belle, I decided that there are things that needs to remain with us only. I have been using this blog to keep your aunts and uncles updated on your developments too but, because it’s so big, I am going to keep the file on CD only. I will however tell you what I did, I took about 60 photos of you and built a presentation. The file is as big as it is because, I used the high resolution photos and, i added in a music file. I can’t wait to share the file with you, i await the day Bel.

Congrats to Jillian on your second pregnancy and, your due date is close Liana, i hope the next few weeks are as awesome for you and your husband as it was for Belle and me while we waited on the arrival of Bel.

Sleep well Isabel, rest peacefully and have happy dreams. I have not said it tonights blog yet so, love you Isabel. Ancel_D

Dear Isabel,

I trust you well my darling. I had plans to get your file updated, take some new photos of you and, spend time with you, I accomplished 2 out 3 :-). I managed to take some new photos and, we spent a week together.

Update:
You spending more and more time on your legs. You’re able to take 3 steps and then due to the excitement, you speed up. You not able to maintain your balance yet so, when you speed up, you land up on your bum. You did manage 6 steps at one point, this was with me shouting at you, “slowly, slowly, slowly.” You hestitantly took the 6 steps and then got over excited again. Tomorrow your mom and I return to work, I am sure the practice, support and encouragement you’ll get from Emily, you will be walking before the end of this month. You are also now able to hold your own bottle, you still prefer opening your mouth and having us hold your bottle for you but, on the occassions that I merely hand you your bottle, you are very able to hold this item on your own. With regards drinking fluids, you still love tea but, you prefer drinking your tea out of a cup, usually your mom’s. You also like water, this you prefer drinking out of my water bottle while I am drinking it. What I mean is, while I am drinking, you’ll crawl over to where I am, stare at me, and open your mouth indicating you want some. I have to watch you, your tummy seems to know no limits at the moment and, you’ll finish the bottle if I do not stop you. Sleepy time is still something that we have not perfected. Last blog I mentioned how well you sleeping, and then? Murphy’s law, you sleep horribly the entire week I am on leave. The initial sleep is also a challenge, we have to ensure you are tired, we put you down in your cot. Some days you sit there and play, this week, you decided to moan, cry, moan, and cry some more. Your mom has been reading more and more about babies and motherhood, she thinks you may be going through early stages of seperation issues. We also think your gums are bothering you, you’ve had 2 small teeth poking out the bottom of your gums for a while now, no further developments on this front. I think possibly it is a combination of the two, you sleep a little better when we put you to sleep in our bed so, maybe it is seperation issues but, you sleep well for the first two sleeps when we are strict and keep you in your cot. At this stage in your young life, you’re a morning person, you wake up anything from 03Hoo to 05Hoo.

I have been playing with what to do for your 50th blog Bel, this is another milestone for me in your developments. I thought of printing every photo I have of you to date, putting these photos in a collage. Another thought I had, a little more far fetched, I thought of using all 49 blogs to date and putting these into a book format for you. This would however require a lot of time which I currently do not have so, i am undecided at the moment, I may land up doing something on the side and keep blogging as per usual when and as I am able, for now my dear Bel, we are almost at your one year birthday, about 5,000 reads later, 11 months later. You are almost walking and still our story continues.

Congratulations to Jillian and Preston on your second pregnancy and, congratulations to Liana and Christo on their pregnancy

Good night Bel, sleep well. Ancel_D